"Time will tell on their power minds,
Making war just for fun.
Treating people just like pawns in chess,
Wait till their judgement day comes."
--Black Sabbath, War Pigs There was much gloating over a recent death in Iraq. It's even been said our traitor President is taking a "victory lap" over this in Iraq. Here are some direct quotes from some real live War Pigs:
"This is a message to all those who use violence, killing and devastation to disrupt life in Iraq to rethink within themselves before it is too late." (Talk about ironic!)
"The reported death...is great news for the people of Iraq..." (Ding, dong! The witch is dead!)
"Sooner or later evil people meet their just desserts. The entire world of people who believe in freedom and peace can take solace in what happened." (Whew, hate to be one them there bad guys!)
There's been much talk of renewed optimism for our war. Unfortunately, it's not optimism the war will end but a hope for approval by those who started it. Such a noble goal. And the cause of all this celebration? It's over this:
"...the bodies of two women, a man and a young girl killed in the bombing were turned over to Iraqi authorities. None were identified."
Oh sure, you probably thought those quotes were about the terrorist guy who was killed. Nah, it's the innocent civilians we gloat over, those we conciously decided to kill. Saying civilians getting killed in war is no big deal is the same as saying 9/11 was no big deal. But if you want to rant and rave about serving the greater good, that's all fine and dandy. But first you gotta prove it: tell me you would trade your daughter's life for the life of a terrorist.
(But it's OK to trade their kids)
I have never believed I was meant to be happy. Oh, I know philosophically speaking God wants everyone to be happy and blah, blah, blah. It just doesn't mean anything in practical terms. Jesus wasn't meant to live happily ever after but I am?? Come on. We kill happy people in this world. It's our job. Unhappy people can't stand the sight of happiness. "Find me Harry Homeless. And if he's happy, kill him!" I am a witch in a world full of witch hunters.
I had a dream with John Lennon last night. It was 1971 and he was walking through the streets of New York singing a protest song. He couldn't see or hear me because it was as if I were a time traveler who could only observe. He was carrying Uzis in each hand as props and dressed in military gear. There was a time when politics almost ruined Lennon's career. I wanted to talk to him, reason with him on what he was doing, but I knew it was something he had to work out for himself. Clearly he was miserable - but that made him safe in this world. It was when he turned happy his life was in danger.
Debby wants me dead. I feel it every day. The smoldering resentment of my existence, the loathing, the contempt. She is not one who ever sees a reason to get off her high horse. She will die having never been alone. That kind of gift can be a curse though. Like most women, she was a predator, using men's needs as a tool to get things she wanted. But that can be a trap. Being one who had always lived having many things, the idea of risking them became more unthinkable over time. Right and wrong cease to exist, replaced by "What keeps my things and what does not?" I'm in the latter group.
"Dying is a good thing?" I vainly hope every day. But is life an option? I see the sad souls who desperately defend this world, clinging to the hope they can somehow be happy here by placating. My words are disregarded as "the miserable rumblings of a sodden misfit." Ah, mon ami, what an education is in store for you! Praising the world doesn't mean you will get to keep your goodies. These are the people who yell loudest when things go wrong. Yet they worship a false god - and they know false gods always betray you. Only love lasts forever.
Can you tell me why?
"Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile;
let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."
-Revelations 22:11 I have to be fair. I have seen the other path. And down that road all my excuses and protests fall by the wayside. If I were on that path then the world could take any it road it chooses and it all would be fine by me. It's easy not to worry when you know you're going to live forever. Unfortunately, I have only seen that road, not taken it.
If all the barriers were removed between me and Debby, and all lies removed from our lives, we'd be sharing the gifts God intended for us. That's why Jesus' good news is so hard - hearing on what all we are missing out on. An irrational and inconsolable voice screams inside, "Shut up!" But I saw in that life with Debby a dream that could not be destroyed. No longer would my happiness hinge on the decisions of others. My soul would already be where it needed to be. And each day I would say, "Thank You!".
"Got to be a joker he just do what he please."
-John Lennon, "Come Together"Instead - like most people - I lead an absurd life. It takes moral strength to do what you want. Nothing separates me from Debby more than that axiom. Hiding your feelings is weak. Getting what you want is hard - for then you face what you truly are and can lie to yourself no more.
"Today's Tom Sawyer,
"He gets high on you,
"And the space he invades
"He gets by on you."So I salute today's Tom Sawyers. I bitch because I'm not one of you.
"Nope, not gonna do it." His arms were crossed, as was his mind. "I refuse to give in to injustice."
"You have no choice. Do it or die!" attested a voice from the surrounding crowd.
"See?" jumped the Jackass, "That's exactly what I'm talking about: blackmail. You say I don't deserve to live? Who are you to say that?"
"It's not me saying it. It's just life. It's just the way things are, right or wrong. You have to live with it."
"If God wants me dead then why live anyway? You think this a joke? Lives are on the line. Someone's got to put an end to this."
A newcomer inquired as to the subject of debate. "What's the deal? He doesn't want to work or somethin'?"
A bystander replied: "He doesn't want to eat."
"You can't change the world. Nobody can. You want to stop eating? Go ahead!"
But the Jackass' arguments gained momentum. Why should anyone die from a lack of food? Articles were printed with "What was their crime?" under the photos of children who starved to death. Did their maker want them dead? If not, then why force on them the need for food? Editorials outraged, "IS GOD A JACKASS?"
The ever present crowd around the Jackass parted for the 60 Minutes crew. They listened in to the voice over. "He's a man with a shocking and some say scandalous view on God. It's his contention God does not want us to live, that we are meant to suffer and even the innocent must die. It is this "reality" he protests by a refusal to eat food, saying if his Maker truly wants him to live then that is what will happen. We caught up with him, sitting on a broken dumpster and looking rather haggard."
The Jackass surveyed the surrounding sea of humanity. A nervous hush quieted them as the first question was asked.
"Surely you don't believe God wants you dead?"
"No one who wants me to live would make me live at the mercy of other people."
"But mankind has lived for thousands of years."
"And lived like dogs. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Don't get all cocky because you live the good life."
"It's not just me but millions of others. Are you saying we are all wrong?"
"I don't have to say anything. The evidence speaks for itself. Food has been used as a weapon since the beginning. People are assholes. Each person should be allowed to stand on his own merits. We killed Jesus and we know he did nothing wrong. Why the hell should I hold out hope from you fuckers?"
"Well, why do you think God wants you dead if that's your point of view?"
"Because God doesn't want us to be assholes. He wants us to learn to live together and share the world. Each of us has a stake in making this work. Right now, if one person stumbles, we beat him up and chastise him. Instead, we should help him up and ask why he fell. I say to you: The world has the capicity and resources to feed itself, so why don't we?"
Many pundits actually tried to reply as to reasons not to feed ourselves. But shame had now replaced anger. The anger that had drawn in the crowd as a moth to a fire. They dispersed in silence, leaving the Jackass in solitary confinement. For that, he had only one reply:
"Fuck it. Call in to Popeyes."
I see the predators roaming around, trying to sniff out prospects. They bring with them all sorts of carrots to entice you, calling you out. I've heard many a war veteran speak of the incredible bonding and sense of purpose derived from battle. It's a feeling most are not able to recreate ever again. An ordinary life transported to the rarified air of Meaningful Existence. And the predators know all this with their false solutions.
No need to bring a stick as an alternate to the carrot. The beating is leading a worthless existence. The snake oil salesmen know the ache. The idea of that ache going away is highly seductive. And many are taken in. Maybe they think things are better. My life has meaning now, I no longer have to feel. But that pain serves a purpose. If your finger were on a hot stove, would you not want to know even if it hurt?
"Sometimes I think it's a shame
When I get feelin' better when I'm feelin' no pain.
Sometimes I think it's a sin
When I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin' again."
-Gordon Lighfoot, "Sundown"I saw the Tommy Lee Jones movie, "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada" (two thumbs up) and I loved its unvarnished look at small town Texas life. The film features a Texas border guard leading a meaningless life. His idea of sex is masturbating in his wife. Bored at his post, he brings a sex mag to jack off to while on duty. It's in the middle of this when he hears shots fired, pulls up his pants and fires back, killing the shooter. Except the shooter was firing on a wolf nowhere near the border agent. When all this comes to light his wife decides to leave. "He's beyond redemption."
Those words echoed in my ears. It is true, I only feel good when things are falling apart . Anything built not founded on something real is only a burden. And who doesn't crave their burdens destroyed? I don't know where freedom lies. I do know where prison is. So no matter how well I "succeed" in doing something I don't believe in, I want it destroyed.
