News of the Day!

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. Flash! Harry Homeless gives his take on the news of the day. Let us listen in once more as the great man speaks:

I usually don't refer to specific news events in my blog unless it's used to make a larger point or support a point a view. But it also gives insight into a person to see their reaction to current events and the purpose of this blog is not only to document my death but to paint a portrait of myself. Outside of the overall issue of the world dying, the most pressing immediate concern is our involvement in Iraq.

My voice was against the war from the start. I was told I was being unrealistic to promote peace, that I was putting my head in the sand. And I truly felt the pressure to support war. I came off as the mamby-pamby liberal out of touch with the real world. "Sometimes you just gotta fight wars!" I was told, like they were educating me or something. Please. I'm way ahead of you guys. Thinking war is an option is like thinking stupid is an option. You can choose it for a while but in the end you end up worse than when you started.


So now we are fucked - which is why a large segment of people have backed off on their support. If we were "winning", I bet 60-65% of us would support this insanity. But wrong is wrong. No matter what the outcome, we were wrong to invade. It's painful to admit an error and most of us are still fearful to call war wrong. But history is already vindicating those who opposed the war. Don't bend with the wind.

I saw on one of those talking head shows where the host said our President is a good guy who was just naive and got talked into to this war by the war hawks around him. For that statement alone he should be fired. The President has been the Pied Piper of this from the beginning, sending out his song of seduction to whomever would listen. It's been his wet dream from day one and he merely surrounded himself with like-minded souls.


"Stupidity is the one crime that never goes unpunished"
- Agatha Christie
It's (been) time to pull out all the troops. Even among my fellow anti-war friends, I still hear how "unrealistic" I am. "No, we can't do that!" Uh, yeah we can. Yes, we broke Iraq, but it doesn't necessarily follow that we can fix it. Yes, things will be bad - that's the price you pay for fucking up. It's like lynching the wrong man. You just have to learn to live with it, there's no "righting" it.

The President (whose name you'll never see in my blog) is cornered. He has to stay the course! Put yourself in his shoes. If this is not a holy mission, if this is not the right thing to have done, if all this has been a lie - then the death and maiming of our service men, the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians' deaths and the destabilization of the world has to be one of the great crimes in history. All those who support this war are complicit.


Nobody wants to hear about a criminal President. Life is hard enough as it is without having to bail his sorry ass out. But here's where the argument of putting your head in the sand is true. Things will get worse if we don't fully admit the truth of what happened. And life will be hell if we don't turn our backs on war - not if we turn our backs on peace.

The Good Wife Confesses

The Good Wife was lauded by all. Never did she complain. Never did she fail to do what was expected. Never did she betray her vows. But always she protected her image, her god. But the prisoner was breaking out.

She married the wrong man. The meaning of this she had fought for years. "ANY marriage is good." "Vows make you holy. Break them and lose your holiness." "I'm only useful as a wife." But the lies washed away her good feelings like the house built on sand. She found herself defending her own death. Did she want to die?

Religion had always been her hiding place; a place where holiness could be earned outside her conscience. So she went for a priestly confession, hoping once more her secret fears would be allied. Being a prisoner was hell. The idea of being trapped, intolerable. No way out. Was this behind her looming dread of a death by drowning?

"Father, I fear the truth. I've had no sex outside my marriage, but I feel like a whore for I have relations with a man I do not love. I love what he brings me, but I do not love him. Is that not close enough?

"I ache to be useful but I am only used. I see now I shall forever be useless if I stay with the wrong man. It empties me out and leaves me dry. I am nothing more than a slave, an object. I find myself doing the same crime to my children. My labors are pointless and meaningless. Does God value my labors in keeping my marriage?

"They say I'm a Good Wife. That I do my duty. But I did not. I was selfish and married too young, before I knew who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. Now it rots my soul. I am deathly terrified to speak what I feel. I punished myself for my silence but that did no help. I'm hopelessly weak and cannot leave. There was once a boy who called me beautiful truly and I think of him often. But if I do not act on this, I am still faithful, right?"

The Father was disgusted. "The answer to all your questions is: No. No - to love a man for his possessions is to prostitute yourself. No - your efforts are wasted if they have no meaning to you. And, no - you are not a good wife. You took the institution of marriage and perverted it. And then you took pride in that. You should fear the truth!"

The eyes of the cornered rat darted to and fro. This was not the absolution she'd hoped for. Priests aren't supposed to share their honest feelings! Of all the luck to find one who was not dishonest. The cornered rat saw no choice. "Yeah, well, fuck you too. If you think I'm giving up a $200,000 house and my kids just to go work some crap job and scrape by as a divorced woman, you're out of your gord! I don't need a soul that bad!"

(Years later, when her boy came of age, he could stand the lies of his useless life no more and ended it with a gun. Her image god now shattered, the Good Wife's life spiraled out of control and burned to the ground. She punished herself with a bullet; a six shooter for a savior.)

The Modern Jew

Liberal, liberal;
We hate you!
Liberal, liberal;
The modern Jew!
You know, I got invited to that Iranian Holocaust Denial film festival thing. But I told them that Iran doesn't exist.

(And we've got a President who doesn't believe Iraq exists)

Forgive Osama Now!

World War II was the end of an Age. No more could we solve problems with war. That was supposed to be a blessing. It sparked a renaissance of song and culture. But we assumed our blessings came not from the freedom from war, but because of it. Got a problem? War is the answer. So we’ve had wars on poverty, drugs, communists and whatever else you wanna throw in there. Raging successes all!

Same with our “war on terror”. We’re losing it because we’ve already surrendered. Everything the terrorists want us to do, we do! They wanted to embitter us and that they did (a boot in whose ass?). They wanted us to turn our back on our freedoms, and that we have ("I don't need no stinking writ!"). They wanted to make us as they are and thus we found our own country to terrorize in the name of God. Good job America!


OK, my fellow winners, I hate to lose. And we all know “Americans love a winner.” So let’s stop trying to say we are winning in any sense when we’re gang tackling Grandma at the airport because she’s carrying four ounces of shampoo instead of three. That doesn’t make you a bad ass. It makes you sick and pathetic (something I know a lot about). We are the terrorists’ bitch!

Forgiveness is the answer. I hereby forgive Osama and all his terrorist buddies. I’m a free man once more. Say it and you will be too. Show me what you’re made of. Show me some of Tom Barkley’s guts! Or stay their puppet like a good, little sheep. Baa-a-ah! Baa-a-ah!

The person to lead this campaign of course, is our good Christian President. It would go something like this:

President Igor announced today he will not seek out the terrorists responsible for the infamous bombings killing many innocent lives. "They are probably just misguided, not knowing what they are doing," he symapthized. "Let's just leave them be. I'm tired of dealing with these people."

Terrorists were outraged by the President's reaction. "We demand to be treated as the dangerous and notorious criminals that we are!" they stormed.

President Igor's reaction was a heartfelt reply of: "What they need is a good hug. Hug a terrorist today. These people need love, too."

The "Hug a Terrorist Today" campaign caused many terrorists to picket the White House with signs such as, "I HATE hugs! Really!" , "You MUST hate us!" and "Loathe me!" Also, many terrorists have publicly vowed to kill President Igor.

"I kill any man who says I need love!" fumed one. (Jesus had no comment on the last remark.)
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(Part two will follow with your your oh-so-predictable whining)

A President Saves Face

"Friends, enemies, undeciders - lend me your earlobes! I have come here today to apologize. I truly have fucked up the world. The blood on my hands is unsufferable. I am tragical like Shakespeare. How many times have I stood before you like a sixth grader reading a very important book report, only to utter untruths from these lips. I am a terrorist upon the people of this planet, its environment and its very soul. I have burned down the house of God. All this, just because I'm an immature cunt.

"I realize now, had I stayed drunk and coked up in Texas, the world would be a better place. I could have led a meaningless, drifting - but harmless - existence, instead of becoming the warmongol I am today. I regret to inform you, I have become the greatest terrorist of our time. There are those on this planet today with whom we cannot coexist. And when I looked in the mirror, I realized I was not a co-exister.

"A solution must be found. Healing must begin. Shine a light on the truth of my actions. Mold a new reality, closer to the heart. Give peace a chance. Love is the answer. Effective immediately, I am firing all the dickheads who work for me - even my boss, the big Dick himself. And now I give voice to my sorrow through the deep and meaningful lyrics of ABBA:

No more carefree laughter
silence ever after
walking through an empty house
tears in my eyes
here is where the story ends
this is goodbye

Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do

Mem'ries, good days, bad days
they'll be with me always
in these old familiar rooms
children would play
now there's only emptiness
nothing to say

Knowing me, knowing you
there is nothing we can do
knowing me, knowing you
we just have to face it
this time we're through
breaking up is never easy I know
but I have to go
knowing me, knowing you
it's the best I can do

"I cannot face the world but my informants have told me I must save face. I shall bring honor back to my life with this genuine set of Ginsu knives. A Japan person is suicidal and so shall I be in my shame to bring back honor. It's what they call Harry Carey. Now I shall do unto myself as I have done unto others:

My Horrorscope

There's a couple of free weekly papers I usually pick up. One of them carries Rob Brezsny's Freewill Astrology. I'm not a big believer in such stuff but I like his takes and it's good for a giggle. Here's this week's:

If you're a man, your penis just might grow bigger in the coming weeks. If you're a woman, your ability to experience profound and poetic emotions will deepen. No matter what gender you are, your capacity for orgasmic pleasure could increase. And this is just a fraction of the advances that are potentially in the offing for your tribe. Buoyant cosmic energies are surging within you, enhancing everything related to your joy and vitality and confidence. It's as if your animal intelligence is getting a boost from a divine form of lust; as if you're tapping into a source of high-octane energy that originates in God's libido.

Well, isn't that just fucking lovely. I actually have been awful "ramped up" lately and it's torture! Here is my new goal in life: to make God homeless and horny.

Mindless Mantras Are Misanthropic

Each of us is the "master of his own fate". Life isn't what you want it to be? Then you must want it that way! But don't worry because "it ain't over till it's over." Previous decisions mean nothing! But if you have gotten yourself in a bad spot then "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" Everything'd be peachy if we just look on the bright side of life!

So let me show you The Way to Enlightenment. Absorb the wisdom I have googled:

It is the size of one's will which determines success.
What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.
The best way to see the future is to create it.
The strength to persist, the courage to endure.
Life's only limitations are the ones we make.

These are among the inspiring statements imparted to me. I am a failure, nay, a sinner in the eyes of God if I do not heed such glorious advice. So do it I shall! One little thing I forgot to mention, I just jumped naked off a thousand foot cliff with nothing but sharp, jagged rocks below me in all directions. BUT, I shall will my way to life! I can conceive of victory! I shall create a future of my choosing! I need only to endeavor to persevere! There are no limitations!

If you don't know all the facts in a person's life, then shut the fuck up. We all know what these phrases are really used for. If someone comes up to you in trouble, you whip one of these suckers out. It sounds better than saying, "Go die someplace else."