Malice in Wonderland

"Curiouser and curiouser!” Cried Alice A thought that often crosses my own mind is: "How did I end up here? How did things get so fucked up? It's all so insane!" Then I look on TV and see a President hoping to explain those very same questions. Amazing! He will explain the importance of finding a way to fit a square peg in a round hole. We are to respectfully listen and dutifully mull words of lunacy. As one senator said, it's all Alice in Wonderland. "Oh, dear! What nonsense I’m talking!" "We cannot be defeaters in fitting the square peg in the round hole. The only way to lose is to quit! But imaginate if we win! No more reality ever! Whatever we wish to be true, will be true! The good life forever! But if we fail...horror of horrors. Good peoples, I have bet all the possessions of the land upon our endeavorings. If we lose, we lose everything. Thank you for allowing me to have done this." "Give your evidence," said the King; "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." I heard there were those Who don't like us; Their most fervent wish Is to strike us! So instead of calling Them brother; We showed them by shooting Their mother! With all enemies dead We will win; With no one left to say It's a sin! I read it, wrote it And now I sing: When you see a war, It's a good thing! "How dreadfully savage!" exclaimed Alice. No more shall I speak of this war. The tides of destiny are set. We wistfully speak of our selfish wants and desires in the world as a tsunami of sorrows heads for our shores. Our "long, national nightmare" continues as we indulge in a self-absorbed mad tea-party politely speaking of how we can put Humpty Dumpty back together again. This wrongful pursuit pulls us from our lives and thus from what's truly important: fixing ourselves. See you back up the rabbit hole.

What Is Folly?

"how can i go forward when i
don't know
which way i'm facing?
how can i go forward when i
don't know which way to turn?
how can i go forward into
something i'm not sure of?
oh no, oh no."
- John Lennon

I know what I feel. I know what I think. Life has been over for me for a long, long time. And the longer you stick around after your life is over, the more absurd it becomes. Since no one knows me or who I am (excepting possibly Debby), then I'm just another lost face in the crowd. If Steven Spielberg were a janitor, only he would know his crime of having deprived the world of his true gifts. He couldn't confess it if he wanted to, passed over as just another dilettante.

This is why I always try to scratch the surface of my fellow day laborers. On occasion you find some truly interesting people. Some are just "passing through" as homeless and you see they are on their way back into a life. Rarely do you find another lifer like me that's still functional. There are those who can only survive by breathing the free air. I too need the free air but I don't know if I'd still be here if I were not also the emotional cripple I am.

In the position where I am now, is it mere folly to hope for anything? You have to be realistic and realize the damage done. You can't be expecting to run when both legs are broken. Some call it "bad attitude" when I say I can't run but it's merely a statement of fact. Maybe they're thinking I'm saying I can never run. Maybe they're right.

I can honestly see no point to my life if I can't share my feelings. I do believe all things are possible with love, but is it possible for me to love? In no form or fashion do I deserve Debby but only with her do things make sense. Yet if I were to come up to her now, she would rip my throat out - with extreme prejudice. I've turned my soul mate into my most dangerous enemy. I think that says a lot about the twisted path I have taken.

So I ask myself, why write? Why get up, why endure the daily tears? I feel that just by blogging I am somehow implying I think I have a future. I feel no such thing. In my position - in my condition - what is asking too much? I'm at the bottom of a well and my legs have broken. Here in the dark I document my humiliating death. How do I tell true hope from what's just in my head? How do I know if I'm just wasting time...

"how can i have feeling when i
don't know
if it's a feeling?
how can i feel something if i
just don't know how to feel?
how can i have feelings when
my feelings have always
been denied?
oh no, oh no."

Nobunaga's Lament

"I am Oda Nobunaga. Who the hell are you?
"Where were you ever king of a country?
"When did you advance the age of your times?
"A ruler by virtue, a ruler by skill.
"No force from without could defeat me.
"So I was defeated from within.
"The tortured power of living by the sword.
"Had I surrendered, I would have won."
-Haiku Monk

In a previous posting, I recounted my sojourn to Japan to retrace the steps of Oda Nobunaga and the remnants of my beloved Azuchi castle. But now from across the ages, Nobunaga speaks for himself.

"OOOOODDDDAAAAAAA!

"Bakana! I was the most powerful man alive, the leader of a new age. The air was alive with electricity, all my decisions destined to succeed. All eyes looked to me to lead the way. They knew as I did I was the most capable man in the land! There were those I respected, even a few I trusted, but my understanding of what needed to be done surpassed all others. A divine wind guided my hand. But I put faith in my vanity and not the wind and so the wind cut me down like a reed. Yet when I let down my self, I let down my people."

A home for my pride;
Your darkened hearts followed me;
Nobunaga's fire.
"Of the Three Great Unifiers of Japan, I was the first, followed by Toyotomi Hideyoshi and Tokugawa Ieyasu. Hideyoshi was greatness! A true joy to be around. It has been said of me I was hot when you expected me to be cold and cold when you expected me hot. Hideyoshi transcended my moods, always brightening my day. He too understood the times. But he was a builder not a ruler, with no direction left once the country stood united.

"Ieyasu never fooled me. He was always a calculating sort, searching for any chink in your armor. Loved him as an ally, though. No fool, he. I'm sure he thought me rash and perhaps was even a bit mystified by me. I knew if he ever seized power, it would never slip from his hands. But never could he have started the great drive for unification as I had. He would have waited until the odds were better - and that day would never come."

Warlord's sword drips blood;
His private hell made public;
NO one says a word.
"I lost my head. I was too mercurial to approach about my behavior and I doubt I would have listened anyway. The power was choking me. No one understood. If only I had let go. My successors lead my people and our glorious land back into fuedalism, understanding none of my reforms. In desperation to hold power, Hideyoshi and Tokugawa shackled the people. Bakas! It was the freedom to create that started the new thinking for unification. In the end, they only stifled it, taking us down the road to atomic abomination upon our most precious land.

"I failed you Land of the Rising Sun, and can no longer look my countrymen in the eye. Perhaps no matter how great the deeds a man does, his first responsiblity is always to love."

Daily To Do List

Daily To Do List:

• Wake up. Realize nightmare's not over. Fuck!


• Sulk


• Give world the finger


• Get horny and die a little more


• Meaningless slave labor


• Babysit my fellow morons


• Fantasize about my death


• Secretly dream of Debby


• Panic as waves of horror return to roost


• Sulk more and pray for death (mine and the world's)
  

Above is a picture of Prince William's girlfriend. She resembles Debby somewhat so naturally it triggered a lot of memories - and feelings. I'm still madly in love with her. How can I not get excited when I see the other part of myself? Goddam I miss her! It's just a natural feeling to want to be whole. But the stench of death is stronger than ever in my nostrils...

You Can Be...

You can be:

rich man...........poor man

good man...........bad man

loving....................hateful

friendly...............haughty

winning...................losing

outgoing...................aloof

optimistic......pessimistic

right.......................wrong

inside...................outside

holy........................sinful

in a crowd..............alone

smart...................stupid

honest....................lying

believing......perfidious

beautiful................ugly

living...................dying

None of it matters if no one loves you.

Minimum Rage

I know what it's like to hock the gold chain your grandmother gave you so you can eat. (I got it back and I'll die before I hock it again). I know what's like to choose between funding an insurance company or making a car payment. And most importantly, I know what a scam this whole world is. I do not pray at the alter of any "ism".

The whole Minimum Rape wage gets my blood boiling. I saw Fucker Carlson on TV asking why not let the free market decide? The free market had 12 year olds working in coal mines and no safety laws. Others are just flat our greedy like this guy I debated on Flavia's blog (the other jack ass's comments are in red italics):

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The folks that will take $7.15 an hour won't include those who get fired because their labor is not worth that to the employer. No reputable economist supports the minimum wage increase. - Jack Davis

This is not a joke. Or a game. Or a time for airhead comments about "reputable economists" from those who pretend to be for workers. Money flows up, not down. People’s lives are at stake. In a practical sense, this feeds the economy. Businesses don’t carry excess labor.

In a moral sense, suppression of wages is nothing more than a RAPE of men, women and children across this country. Predators.

Mundo nulla fides! Money is a tool and a weapon. It us an unnecessary artifice we have deemed necessary. We speak of it as we should of love. We use it as a substitute for having faith in our Maker. As this world dies, you’ll see no sympathy from me. Burn, baby, burn.

[Responding to another commenter] Marc,
You said: "Anyone who decides to downsize or close up shop over a rise in the minimum wage did not have a viable business to begin with" That's just nonsense. Some small businesses cannot afford min wage hikes and close down. I've worked in many. You cannot repeal the laws of economics with wishful thinking. For some reason many liberals have their version of "Inteligent Design " in minimum wage; namely pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo. - Jack Davis

Blogging, arguing, commenting – it’s all meaningless in the eyes of God. It’s so hilarious how we perpetually believe that somehow God is dependent on us to know the truth. But, if you’re going to be a moron, at least be a competent moron.

Jack, dude, what an unskilled liar you are. The first comment with “reputable economists” was bad enough. You need to pretend somewhat to believe what you say! Try providing at least one quote from one of these famed economists. Make it look like you did some research and that you’re not just making the self-serving comment that you are.

The hole only gets deeper with your second remark. What a painfully obvious fabricated statement! Now, there may be a germ of truth that many businesses have shut down once you’ve worked for them. Incompetence does that. But do you think anyone’s really buying this? Then, like all liars, you embed your own confession: “You cannot repeal the laws of economics with wishful thinking.” Don’t include axioms that can be used against your own argument! The last line of your comment is such gibberish I can only conclude the drug of your choice was kicking in.

I know you think you were being smart using the tactic of “never give them anything specific to attack.” But, um, you weren’t (being smart, that is).
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As long as we're stupid enough to let money rule our lives, we've got to minimize the damage it does until we wake up. Money is not important, we've just agreed to pretend it is.

Homeless Man Dies. Cop Looks for Donut Shop

DALLAS (AP) The body of a dead homeless man was brought in last night. The coroner's office was aghast. "Amazing! It's looks as if he strangled himself! He must have really wanted to die."

Police, however, seemed only annoyed when asked if there would be an investigation. "Who gives a fuck? No one wanted him to live anyway. Christ, I need a donut!"

So this reporter took it upon himself to find a deeper answer. I found a few souls who'd been in contact with him. These were the thoughts on the final days of a nobody named Albert Einstein:

"Doesn't surprise me at all. He'd been deeply unhappy for a looong time. He was smart about science and stuff but couldn't get laid for the life of him."

"No one really knew him. Something was eating at him. No one knew exactly what - even when he told us."

"He always said God wanted him dead. His soul was poisoned."

"He wanted to go. Each day was a monumental effort of will. I'm amazed he lasted this long."

"What the hell, what homeless being has a future anyway?"