The Suicide String - The Ballad of Al

"You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost its flavor, with what will it be salted? It is then good for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under the feet of men."
With fevered hands he clumsily slipped the looped string around his wrist and tightened it. The wind was harsher and gustier than usual, adding to the sense of chaos and panic. Of course, it’s always somewhat windy when you're on a rooftop thirty floors up. As he reached the edge he hesitated, paused by the thought of the certain pain to come. But the soberness was drowned by waves of inner darkness, pressing him onward. This much he knew: he must have hope.

With pounding heart and sickened stomach, Al the Apoplectic teetered on the edge wall of the high rise building. It was nighttime and he was an unseen man. With nothing to live for – and everything to die for – he jumped. The string – as always – snapped sharply on his arm causing him to wince. But at least that way he knew was alive. Dangling 300 feet in the air exhilarated him and choked him. Al was a man who needed a way out and in this nether world between life and death he found sanctuary. If the string snapped, all problems were solved…

It had all started with the Election Won But Lost. Al had gotten the votes to justify his life but the results had been rigged against him. He never got passed the stinging bitterness. For his future for now, he saw nothing. For Al had been seduced by politics: the idea you can make the world a better place without becoming a better person yourself. With the strings of power ripped from his hands, he was left with only himself. And once there, Al found nothing…

Given enough time hanging, the spark of life resumed, cutting through the darkness. Terror had put him over the edge and terror pulled him back up. With a starry night above him, Al’s heaving chest looked down to where his precious life had literally hung by a thread. With shaking hands he gratefully pulled off the suicide string. But as he moved back from the edge and into safe haven, twinges of regret already started gnawing on him.

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“Damn, it didn’t break!” greeted Tim the Tormented upon Al’s return. “The drama queen has arrived,” he dryly remarked.

“You know,” demurred Al, “your life isn’t so great, either. Maybe you should think about ways of improving yourself instead of always criticizing others.”

The stinging words failed to remove Tim’s smile. He knew Al’s reply before it came. Tim had to manipulate everything – even if it meant his own discomfort. He just hoped the other two – Façade Fred and Debby Do-Gooder didn’t join in. Tim’s tormented soul wasn’t sure it could handle all of that. But his gamble crapped out.

“Yeah, leave him alone,” joined in Fred, happy to return the torment to one who had so many times poked holes in his façade. “I bet ol’ Al over there has a heckuva better life than you.”

“It’s really not a nice thing to do,” weighed in do-gooding Debby. Rarely did she have the courage to raise an inclement word but she felt the wind at her back this time. “You would do much better to find ways to be positive.”

Tim’s burning soul lashed back at both. “Yeah, well, you’d do a lot better to keep your mouth shut like it should be. What kind of moron is positive about bullshit! And Fred-head thinks loser Al has such a great life then how the fuck do you explain him using the suicide string?”

No answers were to be found.

Sitting amidst so much blood, even Tim felt obligated to end on a few words of healing. “We’re all fucking janitors and our lives all fucking suck.” The words were directed at no one and to them all, helping to fill the painful vacuum of silence. Each returned to his rolling trash barrel in funereal solemnity. No one saw a way out. Where was hope?

The Lonely Wind Blows Cold

It’s time to face the reality I’ve made. I often think of the final scene of Shampoo when Warren Beatty is spinning around, looking for someone or something to latch onto…and finds nothing. I put up a brave front to my co-workers at whatever job site I’m on, pretending I have a future, a don’t-worry-about-me-attitude. But like that Beatty character, I’ve destroyed everything.

I have no true human contact. Any support I build up is based upon the fact they don't know me. So that’s no support at all. The perpetual con is killing me. I need rest. Rest from the street, rest from meaningless work, rest from me. I guess I have to do something to earn that rest. I don’t know what that something could be anymore.

You age quickly on the streets. I’m sick, twisted, alone and horny. If no man is an island, how come I can’t get off mine? The lies I’ve been feeding myself just don’t cut it anymore. I wanted to be today’s Tom Sawyer. I wanted to bring a message of love. I was going to show the power of life. But all that’s a joke. I’m a joke and my life’s a joke. I’ve got nothing. I’ve made my bed and now I can die in it.

Letter for Father's Day

Dear son,

There are some people who actually don't believe in being successful! But I ask you, what are scruples without success? Those who don't take aren't achievers and doers but merely sheep who blindly follow orders. A man has to take the world by the horns to reach his destiny! Do not let outside voices sway you from your goals. No one is going to give you anything. You know what you deserve so go out there and get it!

The world is for the strong, weakness is your enemy. The foolish and meek will whisper foul lies in your ears to make you as they are. Is it them who should hold the reigns of power or us? Is it the frail among us you want to make decisions for you or the strong-willed? Be loyal to what makes our way of life great. Who are we to question it? The future is ours to control.

You have to know what you want and never vary from it. Only those who keep their eyes on the prize will get the reward. These are turbulent times. The winds are changing course and who can stand against the wind? Be smart and do what benefits you. Don’t be some idiot who wants to save the world but not himself. Be on the side of the winners. The losers get what they deserve. That is why I have decided to join the Nazi party’s most elite group: the Schutzstaffel or SS. It will be glorious!

Remember, son, do what you want to do to benefit yourself but don't let that define you. It's what you say you do that defines you.

Your father, der kampf 1935

P.S. If you can't join the party, at least be Republican. Live the good life!

The Moral "Theory" of Objectivity

A mesh of live wires lays on the ground after a storm. A curious boy reaches down to pick them up. In the nick of time his father swats away the hand of the child to prevent his electrocution.

So what just happened?

To the father's understanding, he just saved his son's life. From the son's point of view, his hand was hit for no reason by an unjust parent. Each person's point-of-view is shaped by a personal understanding of reality. If there is such a thing as Objective Reality (God), then we must assume one viewpoint is more correct than the other, i.e. is more in tune with the Objective Truth. If there is no Objective Reality then the small child was safe picking up the live wires because to him he saw no harm in it.

If the child remains self-serving and conservative in his outlook, doom is inevitable. Refusing to admit his father's action was correct, a dogmatic crusade ensues to prove himself right. This then becomes his religion, which he calls holy and claims it to be Objective Reality. But this conservative lack of faith in the truth leads to his downfall as he once again tries to pick up a mass of live wires and dies from the shock. In this way, God will cleanse the earth with his "wrath".

Religion is derived from man's insecurity, thusly it serves man, not Objective Truth. But inside each of us lives Objective Reality. Problem is, it does not flatter us and always say we are right like religion does. Some even refer to it as an enemy because it contradicts an individual's religion. The danger is in declaring your religion holy and true instead of keeping a more liberal and open-minded view to what is Reality. You can tell how infected with religion a person is by whether or not he believes in Questioning.

One perfect example of this is the Theory of Evolution. I have studied this with an open mind and found it based upon insecurity, thus making it a religious statement. It is a fairy tale being passed off as science. We are not now nor ever have been fish. For some it is important not to believe in a Creator - which then gives more credence to a religion which refutes the existence of Objective Reality - thus relieving us of any responsibility to it. We think that makes us smart.

But Reality is our friend. It guides to the things that benefit us and away from things that harm us. It's all a matter of faith if you believe Reality is good or bad. When they boy asked why his hand was hit, his father told him it was to save his life. It was then up to the boy to accept the truth or choose a path of darkness.


See if you find these words to ring true:

Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm:
"Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
"Brace yourself like a man; I will question you; and you shall answer me."

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
"Tell me if you understand.
"Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
"Who stretched a measuring line across it?
"On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone - while the morning stars sand together and all the angels shouted for joy?"
So what is the definition of "know"?

The Moral Theory of Relativity

Many people fasten onto science as something hard and fast. The phrase "scientifically proven" acts as sort of a bulletproof vest against any arguments to the contrary. It also implies that anything outside of science must then fall into the realm of philosophy. This reduces life to a more manageable level and sheds moral responsibilities. "Each of us is merely a mass of cells processing data and bodily substance until such time as the body expires." See how much simpler life becomes?

Unfortunately for these people, many scientific “truths” have changed over the years, thus making them lies. But as we all know, real truth never changes, it is absolute.

The true purpose of science, as Einstein reasoned, is to gain a greater understanding of God and the reality that has been created for us. This makes it a moral cause. The greatest leaps in science – the ones most hailed by its proponents – have been moral ones, to change our reasoning from a self-serving egocentric view to realizing there is an objective reality. Morality is an absolute.

The scientific strides we have made forward come from rejecting the point of view of insecurity. Deciding the earth revolves around the sun is the most obvious example. Einstein’s theory of relativity is another, i.e. what is physically true for one person is not necessarily true from another perspective. Meaning you can’t even unequivocally state a ruler is twelve inches long because were I to pass you at the speed of light that ruler would appear to you at a different length. And you would state that as a matter of fact.

So if all things are relative, is there absolute truth? Is this our only reality or does a supreme reality lie elsewhere? Is there a reality outside of this dimension we are also affecting? My answer to these questions is an unequivocal Yes. The sun is a parable for the truth. We cannot look directly into it but we know it’s there. So the truth cannot be seen, but it can be known. What we do know is right from wrong. And the (scientific) truth is that’s all anyone needs to know to be happy.

My Conversation on Hardball

(FYI: photo has been faked by a liar)
Chris Matthews can raise some pointed questions on his show - even if he doesn't always get a direct answer to them. Questions pointed enough, in fact, to concern even the Vice President of the current administration. Funny. But he's also politically blind. If you're skilled at perverting the truth for political aims (isn't that a sad life??) then you're a valid guest in Chris's eyes. That's why liars love getting on these mainstream shows as they giggle inside how they're putting one over on unsuspecting ears. They just pray no one calls them out for the bunk they are selling.

Here's the transcipt of my cameo:

Me: See, Chris, it’s like this: you get these partisan guys on here and they’ve got nothin’ to say! “My side is right. Their side is wrong.” And that’s it! Who cares.

CM: I know what you’re saying but I’m here to ask those guys the tough questions and challenge them on their positions.

Me: But their answers are bull! You get some shill on here for a candidate and you ask him, “Can your guy win?” and the shill always says – surprise, surprise! – “Yes!” –

CM: Yes, but –

Me: - And then you go, “But sir, your candidate has been dead for three months now! How do you expect him to serve out his term? In a coffin?” So the shill replies, “What you’re going to find is a man who is consistent and unchanging in his stance. We believe this is a platform worth carrying on. Blah, blah, blah.” It’s theater of the absurd.

CM: What do you want me to do? Not let them reply? They gotta answer the questions!

Me: To me, the whole problem is the debate format…

CM: But that’s what I’m here for: debating the issues!

Me: Right, so the perfect scenario for you would be what? Jesus and Satan on prime time debating right and wrong?

CM: That would definitely be the greatest show of all time!

Me: Wrong! It would be the dumbest show of all time. It presupposes evil is a valid point of view. A debate legitimizes BOTH points of view by the mere fact both are being represented. Evil is a form of insanity, and insanity is not a valid stance to take. Boot the perverts off the show. Thinking is allowed in real life!

A Dream Too Far

The night winds of the desert blow old and blindly – answering to no one. Live with them or die in them, the winds still pass you by. The howling mockery in the distance bespeaks a fool who surrounded himself with a sea of pain-filled needles as a reward for any wrong step. The walker’s burred eyes stream tears of sickening regret.

Too far he had gone, always too far.

There are no footpaths in the desert. No trails showing the way. No sign, no marks, no soul to guide you. Just a place of spiders, scorching sun and suicide. What business have the sane in such a spot? They were home, safe and sound and singing. No, the sane do not come here; only the abandoned, the fools and the lost.

Too far he had gone, always too far.


Breathing bred the tears. The madman had poisoned his own oasis. Banished forever; a hope forsaken; a heart closed. Bonds of love snapped as a spaceman’s cord to his ship, left to endlessly drift in space as he watches home earth diminish ever smaller. No hope now, he knew, too late to make amends. No word could be heard.

Too far he had gone, always too far.


In angry pride he’d burned it down; a mindless rage against his dreams. Afterwards, in unbearable shame, he ran to the desert – no other place would have him. Home now lay in hellish heat mired among hissing lizards on searing rocks. The one who scorned life was now scorned by life. But the ever-flowing tears came not from his desert demise. Shattered memories missing love lost despaired him to this world of deserted dreams.

Too far he had gone, always too far…