Making Money Miserable

I understand about change. The fear of it, the fear of its costs, the fear that somehow things may never be good again. It's a false fear but you can't know that unless you face it. And a fear not faced becomes the Ruler of your life - and it's to that which rules you to which all your prayers are directed. Funny part is, not changing often brings all the calamities feared in the first place.


The longer you go not facing a needed change, the more absurd your life becomes (trust me on this one). In the Sixties we broached the idea of actual change - and have been running away from it ever since. Growing up isn't lethal - it just seems that way until you do it. But we have crawled back into our shells and decried "nothing must change", thus bringing us the ever growing absurdity of this: Today, our lives center around not making us happy but making money happy.

We know it's a false god - it's our dirty little secret. But it's so much fun pretending it's real, Mommy! "I made money happy today. I am a good person." We have whole industries built on this fabrication: banking, insurance, stockbrokers, risk arbitrage, etc. - all serve no real purpose! But no one wants to say the emperor has no clothes - that would mean (gasp!) change.


People say money is needed to make a system work. Hell, the only reason money was invented was so ugly guys could get laid! "If I can't buy nooky what am I gonna do!" I gotta admit, that one's got me wavering a bit. (Chants to self, "Change won't kill me, change wont kill me.") But let's take a closer look at what good our naked emperor is truly doing:

"You know, we could save our environment but it doesn't make the money god happy. So it must be OK not to." Good thinking that.

A man with a badge and a gun says: "I don't want to do this but you have to leave your house. You're not making money happy." That's the thing about money, it makes you do things against your soul.

And even if you are happy: "I'm sad to say this, but you have to stop working now. It doesn't make money happy." Love your job? Good at it? Being productive? Means nothing. Only thing that counts is if money is OK, not you. You go home now and die - oh wait, we're going to take your home from you too.

"Put him in jail, Barney. He's got no money on him and you know we can't have that." "You're right, Andy, we've got to make the money god happy."

Another starving child dies - by our choice.


"The times they are a-changin'." Even if we aren't.

The amount of human suffering we've allowed is incalculable. How much blood is upon our hands? Regardless, the time of this concept has passed. We decreed that life must be made insufferable for those who do not serve money and yet in the end our lives have been made insufferable because we do. Funny that. I think things will sort themselves out just fine without money. Let's have a little more faith in our Maker. We haven't given Him a chance yet.

Harry-san and the Jisei of a Crazy Gaijin

Since I live in a "twilight world", a place between life and death where neither dreams nor doubts have meaning, I may as well wish for the impossible as well as the possible. I have a picture of my retirement: to at long last return to my beloved Japans and live out my days as a crazy gaijin wandering the countryside. A floating world to explore at the merest whim, or to spend a day in quiet meditation facing the mountain, a teacup sitting beside me. The timeless breeze blowing upon my face rinsing the sins of a lifetime away.

Today, I had an Incident. A piece of wire punctured my leg. At first I tried to pursuade myself it was a pine needle but I knew. I flashed back to high school where I read in class the part of a man who died of a shaving cut. What a cheap death, I thought. But how keen am I on staying here anyway? So I thought to myself: to tetanus or not to tetanus? I chose life.

No small thing this. Find a clinic, wait for God knows how long, face the fear of a shot and the pain of payment. Ugh. Part of me was defiant. "I shouldn't have to take this!" By virtue of my homelessness, I argued, I should not have to endure any more than I already am. In my overthinking way I start to wonder: what does this mean? I settled only on a grudging resignation.

"I have my books and my poetry to protect me."
-Paul Simon

This same day I had bought a book of Japanese death poems (jisei) at my haven Barnes and Nobles. A death poem was often written by monks, poets, samurai and nobles as a way to sum up life in its final moments. (Did I mention that in my retirement I wished to be a world class haiku poet?) And in my book I took comfort in this:

Someone asked, "When one is confronted with disaster, how can one avoid it?"
[Famous Zen monk] Joshu said, "Thats it!"
(The disaster lies only in the conciousness of "disaster". When you are in a given situation but do not define it, it is not "good" or "bad"; you simply react according to the circumstances.)

In other words: shit happens. I think Zen monks would appreciate the simplicity of that phrase. I, too, am a believer in Zen, that less is more. In the making of "Jaws", they found the shark became scarier the less it was directly shown as opposed to playing the shark music with the camera rushing along the water. The fear was in the imagining.

In this vein I composed my own haiku to hopefully snatch moments in time. On these things did I ponder: the dichotomy of the nightmare made of this dream world, the passing of our existence, the Zen of less is more and finally my jisei.

The noon sun grows high,
Flowers straining to reach it;
Swords glint before me.

The serene pebble
Lies at the base of the tree.
Night's shadow arrives.

Had I said nothing
As the flowers bloomed to life,
I'd have said the same.

Silent damages;
Lost in the forest of life
Hidden light burns bright.

Religion of the Year Contest

I saw today where the Pope is apologizing, err, explaining his remarks once again concerning the Muslim religion. In a carefully choreographed scene by his papal handlers, his Holiness met with Muslim "ambassadors". The Pope raised his hand and gamely blurted out his best "High five!" The Muslim entourage exchanged confused glances among themselves, then an also confused Pope finished his script with: "I'm down with you, homie." Relations are reported to have soured.

Now, I was thinking, we just gots to get these folks talkin' ag'in. With my head leaning back against a tree on a beautiful, beautiful day, the wheels inside my furrowed brow were just spinning away and...nothing. And then...and then the good Lord Hisself spoke to me! (considering all the other assholes He's allegedly been talking to, why not me) Hallelujah! It's so clear an atheist could see it: Month Python's 127th Annual Twit of the Year Contest.

My first thought on bringing these two sides together was simple: an Islamic Pope. Best of both worlds, neh? But with the message from On High, I realized tain't nobody gonna be happy wit dat! This needs to be a winner take all situation. And that can mean only one thing: cage match! Here's the rules: every religion, pick your Pope and bring it on, baby! After that, all ya gotta do is win!

We all know the Bible stories: don't matter how big or strong you are, if God wants your ass to win, you'll win! And whichever religion wins has their creed declared Religion of the Year. Lord help us if the Amish are victorious. But can you just imagine the enormity of the event?? World Cup, eat your heart out! Vegas, line up your holy handicappers! Peace be on earth, we have finally decided who is most holy!

Random Thoughts of a Sobering Mind

"What rock did he crawl out from under?"

I'm a world traveler, a jet setter. I'm comfortable there. It's home.

"He's a strange one. A real piece of work, that."

"Does anybody really know that guy?"

I've forgotten me, I've forgotten me...

Is there a way out?

Has anyone else cheated themselves like I have?

If I show their crimes, no one will listen. If I show my crimes, no one will hear. But if I show life as it truly is, then all crimes will be revealed. That's when they come to kill you.

How can I explain not being stupid anymore? I've built whole identities around it.

Portrait of the Artist as a Fraud

I've got these really, really bad vibes...

No one's coming to help you. No one can now.

Sometimes you just look around and say, "Oh my God, what have I done?"

Everything I've built on this identity, I would have to give up. But I can't deny the real one. Life must progress.

Man, am I tired...

I'm Dead Man Walking regardless. All this means nothing

I Won Blog of the Day Award

There'll be no living with me now!

I'm da Man!

A Siren's Call

(Help! I can't get laid!)
The speaker's arms were flailing in Passion, fists clenched in furious Conviction. His Authority was unassailable, No Doubt visible in his words. This is a man who Knows Things, who explored Life and brought forth Answers. Good News was his song and Good Things his bribe:

"Es ist unser Wille, den dieser Staat für eine tausend Jahre ausdauern wird. Wir freuen uns zu wissen, dass die Zukunft unser völlig ist!"

In the crowd sat two women, one nudging the other. "I don't know what he's saying, but I like the way he says it."

"Indeed!" concurred her friend. "No one so passionate could be so wrong. It's exciting to listen to!"

"Have you seen those cartoons that make fun of him? Laughing at him for being such a loser?"

"Yes, I have. Very funny!"

"Oh, my! Look at the time. We better hurry to get in our votes for him."

"Indeed! I don't want to be called irresponsible."

It's a Beautiful Lie

"There are some people, and I'm one of them, that believe [the current President] was placed where he is by the Lord," Tomanio said. "I don't care how he governs, I will support him. I'm a [reptile] through and through."
-actual quote by a woman, sober and not under duress
(all quotes in this posting are real)

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Everything is beautiful in my world. My home is a modern marvel of convenience; my car sparkles luxuriously in the sun. While others may suffer, I know only comfort. My neighborhood is of the best, a finely manicured dreamscape where children play carefree. The blight of mankind is not to touch me. I am faithful and therefore blessed. But I know there are those who want to destroy my world, my refuge.

My godly blessings are my foundation. My heroes are those who fight to preserve them. In my life I seek only the fruits of my faithfulness. There are those who share my faith and we fight the good fight even though the blind and the misguided cry out against us. The true path is never easy but I shall never leave my world. And for that I say this prayer:

"Oh God,
My soul followeth hard after Thee. But those that seek my soul to destroy it shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword. They shall be apportioned for foxes. But the king shall rejoice in God. Everyone that sweareth by him shall glory."

For selfishness is my religion, money my savior and I am my own God.

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They are the Soulless Scalpels of Society, any job will do. Mindless dogs to be pointed in any direction, servants of the stewards of All That Has Been Deemed Good. To be given orders is to be given meaning, morality lay only in the faithful execution. There is a peacefulness to such men - Bitches With Orders - no need to question or determine wrong from right. That's already decided - by those who give the orders.

As instruments of society, guilt escapes them. If, somehow, their actions are later established to be improper, no blame is held. Who does not want to do his share, to contribute? Virtue lay in obedience - and blind obedience the most virtuous of all. The good soldier, the good man - he does what he is told, he is emasculated. If told to build a bridge, it is gladly done. If told to kill a man, it too is gladly done. There's no evil seen in obeying.

Today, a family is removed from its home for failing the gods of society. Yesterday, peace protestors got shot. Before that, millions taken to death camps, "witches" burned alive in horror, Jesus nailed to a cross. Bitches With Orders come in the night, with eyes unseeing and hearts unknowing, mad dogs set loose; futureless, vicious and rabid.
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I have been chosen! "I'm driven with a mission from God." "There's a higher Father that I appeal to." I have been sent forth to shape the world according to God's vision. Praise be to me! Long have I struggled to reach this state of self-blessing. Feed me the power to do the Lord's work! "I change constitutions, I put churches in schools." To follow me is to follow God.

"If I tell you black is white and white is black, you're to believe me." Such is the leadership I offer you, come share in the glory! A greed for goodness, a destroyer of evil, an oppression of holiness - our will be done! Not just another God complex. The fever is growing around the globe. Another day, another holy war.

It's such a beautiful feeling, this lie of mine...its cup poisons me with pleasure...please don't say what I do is wrong...can't you see? if you would just agree with me, all my problems would be solved...i am my own star...the planet is dying and I must save it...I bring enlightenment to the world...trust me, this is not all just some selfish gesture.